(My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish
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Uh, she used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time)
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My show is a little bit silly, and a
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Little bit pretentious, so like
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Shakespeare's willy or
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Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on
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It's also a little bit gay, and a
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Little bit offensive, like
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Thanksgiving Day or
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Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on
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So put your cellphones to vibrate
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And put your vibrators to cellphone mode
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Welcome to the show, it goes a little bit like this
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Joke... exactly
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Fucking up my flow, it flows a little bit like this
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With a rap and a diss then a
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Swift rap in the wrist, a rap in a kiss
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Like Hershey's wrappin' a Kiss, shit
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I got a show that'll test you kids
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And it asks one question and the question is
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What's funny?
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
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Funny, fu-funny
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What's funny?
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
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Funny
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Oh yeah
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Humor is often linked to shared experience
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Like a guy gets up and says, "Have you noticed that public restrooms have really inefficient hand dryers?"
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"Oh my god, yes I have
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Ha ha ha ha, really good point
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They should fix that
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It's good to know that somebody finally gets me
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'Cause my wife divorced me
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Which has consciously forced me to lose all sense of self
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So it's nice to think about hand dryers
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And not that cheating whore"
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Because stand-up comedy is actually pretty easy
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If you're an Asian comic, just get up and say, "My mother's got the weirdest fucking accent"
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Then just do a Chinese accent
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'Cause everybody laughs at the Chinese accent
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Because they privately thought that your people were laughable and now you've given them the chance to express that in public
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Ah yeah, if you're a musical comic
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Just give them a little weird voice infliction
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Then take a Viagra
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And slap them with a rock-hard misdirection
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What's funny?
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
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Funny, fu-funny
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...Tourettes!
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What's funny?
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
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Funny
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Oh, and the audience says
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When I was a baby, maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys
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Now I'm older and bolder and just get mad because I notice that the keys are to a Hummer
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Fuck my life, I don't fuck my wife
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So fuck my wife, and fuck my life
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And my son is gay, but not sitcom gay
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Daughter's a whore, like another girl that used to be her mother
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But the marriage made her Miss Mary Americana
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I want a teen, but that's screaming prima donna
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But the radical feminists made my wife a man
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Oh, and if I die happy
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The situation
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Will be auto-erotic
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Asphyxiation
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I hate my life and it hates me back
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And my friend is black
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But I don't know what to call him
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So I just call him
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"What up, Jamal?"
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Even though his name is Steve
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I hate my job, I hate my life
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I hate my kids, I hate my wife
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Jews would know I do it
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Judas beat me to it
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I'm slowly slipping into a solipsistic coma
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And I masturbate because I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me!
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What's funny?
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
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Funny, fu-funny
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(Pop) It's a boy
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What's funny?
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
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Funny, yeah
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Hopefully this
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(Fart)
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-----------------
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What's Funny
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Bo Burnham |