I'm 19 years old, I'm a young comedian
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I hate that term, "young comedian", you know
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I prefer "prodigy"
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And people, they pigeonhole me as a comic
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You know, which is so disingenuous 'cause I'm not a comic, I'm an artist
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And I don't do comedy shows, I do one man shows
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And I've been doing them, uh
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1998 was actually my first one man show
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It was a show about Jews in Nazi Germany called Under the Floor Boards
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I'll do a scene from that, uh, right now
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No no no
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Watch and then judge
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This is a scene from Under the Floor Boards
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"Hey, shh"
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And then '99
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'99, I did a show called The Catholic Orgasm, I'll do a scene from that
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(Moaning)
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(Sobbing)
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2000, I did a piece called The Inappropriate Musician, I'll do a scene from that
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"Mike
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Mike, back off the ledge, Mike, th-
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Mike, think about your kids, do you want them to grow up without a father, is that what you want, Mike?! Mi-
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Please listen to me, I'm your friend
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No, Mike, don't jump!
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No, Mike, no!
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(Slide whistle down)
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(Slide whistle up)
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"He's saved"
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2001, I did John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath
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Except I adapted it into a story about an intergalactic sexual predator called The Rapes of Grath
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2002, I did a piece, if you're familiar with The Elephant Man
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I did a piece based off that called Bulldog Man (Voice cracks when he says "man")
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Oh, also known as Bulldog Man (Says "man" properly) for those who hit puberty
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And I uh
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I'll do a monologue from that right now
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(Silence)
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(Laughter)
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For those listening on the CD, I kind of look like a bulldog
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2003, 4? 3. Doesn't matter, I'm lying
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2000-
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2004, I did a piece called SmAⓒagol, from Lord of the Rings, Having Sex with a Black Chick, I'll do that
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(Moaning as SmAⓒagol)
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"Precious"
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I actually got a Danza nomination for that, it was
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Right after the Tony's
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2000, uh, 5
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2005, if I could get a blackout for this, I did a piece called Charlie Brown Getting Molested, so if we could blackout right now
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"Hello?
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Is anybody here?"
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(Unintelligible trombone noises a la Peanuts cartoon)
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"What the fuck are you doing?! Let go of me!"
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(Unintelligible trombone noises)
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"Good grief"
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So, 2000, uh, bring the lights up
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2007
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2007, I did a piece called The Juggler's Wife, I'll do a scene from that
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"Please
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Stop JUGGLING!"
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2008, I did a
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Bit of a controversial piece because I played a slave in the 1780's, but I didn't wear make-up
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'Cause I feel as, you know, an artist I'm qualified to tell any story, and uh
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It was a piece called Whiplashes and this was the climactic scene
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It is hard, raw art, so if you're adverse to that, you might want to look away
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But this is, um, the climactic scene from Whiplashes and I hope you enjoy it
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"You'll have to answer to God for this"
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(Whip crack)
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"Ow
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Ow
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Ow
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Ow
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Ow
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Ow
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Ow
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Ow
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...You're a dick"
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And then, uh, 2000-
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...9, which is the last year before the piece I'm doing currently
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I did a piece called, it's a very emotional piece, it means a lot to me so forgive me if I break down
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But this is a, uh, a scene from it and the piece was called A Boy and His Dog
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"Get out of here, alright?
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Go, I can't afford to keep you anymore, I just
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I can't, it's too
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Please don't make this harder than it has to be, I
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I hate you, is that what you need to hear from me?
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Alright, I hate you
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I hate you!
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It's not just me
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My dog hates Mexicans too"
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One Man Shows
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| Bo Burnham |
