Everyone thinks they know the story
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Of Dick Turpin's highway glory
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But my past is far more gory
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I was no saint
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You think life is one big antic
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My profession is romantic
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Hate to be pedantic
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But it ain't
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As a butcher down in Essex
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I was handy with a knife
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Had a sideline as a poacher
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Led a less than honest life
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The notorious gang of Gregory
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Liked my style and dedication
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They signed me up and gave me
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A real robber's education
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We rampaged through the Essex farms
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We stole and robbed and fought
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But when the law came for us
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I escaped and they got caught
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I became a highwayman
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Was daylight robbery
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I was no prince charming
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Nothing dandy about me
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The truth is, I was violent
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And with my good mate, Matt King
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Robbed travellers at gunpoint
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Money, watches, anything!
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My horse it wasn't called Black Bess
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Although that's what you've read
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Was no romantic hero
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Shot not one but two men dead
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The legend that surrounds me
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Misses out the crucial part
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I was a ruthless killer
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With a ruthless killer's heart
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Was a vicious highwayman
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A source of pain and tears
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When you hear how my story ends
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You won't believe your ears
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I ran away to Yorkshire
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Changed my name to John Palmer
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Was sent to prison
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After stealing chickens from a farmer
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Wrote a letter to my family
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A plea it did relate
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The postman saw the envelope
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And here's the twist of fate
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He had taught me how to write
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So he knew I'd lied
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'That's not John Palmer's hand
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That's Dick Turpin's! ' he cried!
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Was a vicious highwayman
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My crimes had brought me fame
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Was stitched up by a postie
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That's not glamourous... that's lame!
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No more stand and deliver
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You'll remember this, I hope
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It's no fun hanging with highwaymen
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When you're... hanging from a rope!
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-----------------
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Dick Turpin
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Horrible Histories |