My name is Caligula
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A rotten, Roman pig-ula
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If you told me a fib-ula
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I'd hack your hands to stumps!
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One time, I killed a priest
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Who'd come to sacrifice a beast
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You'd think it's sad that he's deceased
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We all laughed like chumps!
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I'm very hairy, but take note
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If you so much as whisper 'Goat! '
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With an iron rod you will be smote
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In a good mood today, so I won't slit your throat!
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I'm bad! He's bad!
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A shameless rotten cad!
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Do you still have limbs since meeting me?
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Then I guess you should be glad!
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Your nastiness was fabulous
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But my name's Elagabalus
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And I was far, far worse
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Just listen to my verse
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I was quite notorious
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For catapaulting venomous
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Snakes at Rome's enormous
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Crowds, oh, how they fled
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If you won a lottery prize
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I'd give you these dead dogs and flies
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My house guests got a nice surprise
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A lion in their bed!
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You'd think to children, I'd be cuter
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No, I was their biggest executor
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Used their guts to read the future
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Says here I should get a job as a school tutor!
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I'm bad! He's bad!
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Could argue I was sad!
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Hated through our empire
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From Great Britain to Baghdad!
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Afraid your claim is bogus
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'Cause my name is Commodus
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And no one else could be
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A worse emperor than me
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There never was a greater
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Pretend gladiator
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If the booing got too loud
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Made the lions fight the crowd
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Just one man was grander
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Julius Alexander
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So I killed him, see
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'Cause I'm the emperor, me
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I'm bad! He's bad!
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My actions truly rad!
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You only got the emperor job
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'Cause you were chosen by your dad!
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To me, you all score zero
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My name is Emperor Nero
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Evil men you're not
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I'm the worstest of the lot!
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My rule was full of fear-o
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Yes, men from far and near-o
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Called me a fighting hero
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Or I would have them slayed!
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Changed the Olympic season
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So the medals went to me, son
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Burned Christians for no reason
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Just a fun game I played, you know
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Poisoned my stepbrother
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Ordered men to kill my mother
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Tried to drown her but she fled
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So I had her stabbed instead
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Wait! There's more!
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With my first wife, dear Octavia
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I showed truly bad behaviour
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Chopped her head off, gave it to
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My girlfriend who I then killed too
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I'm bad! So baddy!
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Of badness, I'm the daddy!
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Come on, I want to see
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A more evil bloke than me!
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You're bad! Real bad!
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Nothing more to add!
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We all thought that we were awful
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But you were really, truly mad!
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I'm the baddest emperor the Romans ever had.
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-----------------
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Evil Roman Emperors (Bad)
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Horrible Histories |