My carphone's on the pill, and my girfriend's got call waiting
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Satan's in the bagels and my toaster's masturbating
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My computer has hard drive, and my disk is always floppy
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My Xerox has the runs and it won't stop shitting copies
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Help me
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My paper wants some coffee and my mother needs recycling
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My fax is getting acne and it needs some tetracyclene
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My dog is late for school and my son pissed on the floor
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The percolator's drooling and the baby's at the store
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Would you help me please?
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The TV's watching me and my control is in remote
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Grandpa's sucking carpet and the vacuum stole my coat
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And the birds are smoking cocaine and my son lives in a nest
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My daughter just got neutered, and my cat just got fake breasts
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Now help me please
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Yeah TV rules the house now, Mr. Cartwright is the boss
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Ginger's kissing MaryAnn and I'm in love with Hoss
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Thurston Howell III is lusting after Mary Tyler
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More is always less that Mr. Douglas is a styler
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Green Acres is the place to be, that Eb is such a dork
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He hit Arnold the pig and so tonight we're eating pork
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Help me
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My coffee lost its dentures and my father needs reheating
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My wife is always empty and the fridge is always eating
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The dust pan's playng marbles and the kids are in the sink
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And the heater won't quit farting and my mental health it stinks
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Now help me please
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My car went to the movies, and I'm locked in my garage
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My bathroom went to art school, now I piss in a collage
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And the blender stole my credit cards, and bought some fancy duds
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Everyone has patriots, but all I have are scuds
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Help me please
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My carphone's on the pill, and my girfriend's got call waiting
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Satan's in the bagels and my toaster's masturbating
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Help me please
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My Carphone's On The Pill
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Rugburns |