Tonight at 10
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The world is ending again
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And we know why and when
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So you better watch
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We got a bit with some feminist chick
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And also a picture of a starlet's crotch!
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Two people died, a double homicide
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Their bodies found inside
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Of a wishing well
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And we tackle the flaws
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In these obesity laws
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In this segment that's sponsored
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By Taco Bell
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We've got violence, danger, sex, and drugs
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And it's awesome cause all of it's real!
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We do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views
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That you feel...
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All of this and more and live
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Only on the Channel 5 News!
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Only on the Channel 5 News!
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[Spoken]
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We've got Chip Walker, live at the scene, with breaking news! Chip are you there?
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[Sung]
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Chip Walker here
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Am I coming in clear?
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I'm standing near
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To the scene of the crime
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This Iraqi guy's shop
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Seemed a newsworthy spot
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So we've been gathering shots here for quite some time
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Today, real fast
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The owner's daughter passed
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We grabbed a shot of her ass
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While the owner was near
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Then he struck my chest
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And now he's under arrest
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And now you people have one less
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Man to fear
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This family's angry, crying, sad, and lost
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And it's awesome, cause all of it's real!
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I do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views that you feel...
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More as this develops live
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Only on the Channel 5 News!
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[Spoken]
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We go now to Max Stevens, with the weather for the weekend
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What are we looking at here, Max: umbrellas or picnic baskets?
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Max? Max?!
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We're experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by
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Alright, we got a signal. Cut to Max
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[Sung]
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Good evening, hi
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It's your weather guy
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I advise you to buy
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Another lightning rod
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We didn't catch
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This impending disaster
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Maybe it's natural, maybe it's God
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The sliding mud
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The incoming flood
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Will never wash the blood
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From my greedy old hands!
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This job was fun, I had a pretty good run
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But I've never been one to give in to demands!
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People are angry, crying, sad, and lost
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And it's awful cause all of it's real!
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We do the illusion of news and while you think you're choosing the views that you feel...
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All of this and more and live
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Only on the Channel 5
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Only on the Channel 5
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Only-only-on
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Channel 5 News: The Musical
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| Bo Burnham |
