[Intro: Bo]
|
|
Thank you so much, I think that I probably should've, uh, ended it on a higher note
|
A big ending or whatever, but, uh...it's been "what.", I hope you enjoyed it-
|
|
[Popular Girl]
|
|
Bo, oh my god
|
How are you? I haven't seen you since, like, Freshman year, oh my God!
|
You were so, like, skinny and weird back then, um...
|
But now you're, um...
|
Anyway, um, you should totally come to this party I'm having tonight with a bunch of my college friends
|
Um, it's gonna be off the chain-hook, it's gonna be so good
|
You can play some songs for us or something
|
Um, I've been telling everybody how good of friends we were, um, back in the day
|
Um, I know we never talked or hung out ever, but um...
|
I think that's what made our friendship so special, and, um...
|
Anyway, text me! Okay, bye
|
|
[Agent]
|
|
Mister Burnham
|
How ya doin', good? Good
|
Uh, I'm a, uh, I'm an agent from out in Los Angeles
|
Uh, really dig your stuff man, it's out there, you know, I totally get it
|
Uh, and the best part about it, man, you've got all these young fans, uh, and
|
Which is great, because young people, they're...
|
They're very passionate, and they're very, uh, they're very reliable consumers
|
But what you've gotta do to take your career to the next level?
|
You've gotta cater more heavily to them, alright?
|
We've done studies, young people do not respond to this...
|
You know, "introspective" material, or these "challenges-to-the-form", you know...
|
Young people want jokes they can relate to, okay?
|
So...write a...write a silly song about Facebook, you know?
|
Write some jokes about Twitter, or...or sugary cereals, or...razor scooters
|
Relate to them!
|
You know, also, you've gotta reestablish your presence on the internet, buddy
|
Alright, it's not important whether your material's "good" or not
|
What's important is that you keep the Bo Burnham brand alive and well
|
Ya get it?
|
But we'll discuss more later, I know it's a lot
|
Uhh, my number is, uh, 310-555-...uhh, [mumbling] "imaginary number"
|
|
[Jock Boy]
|
|
Fag!
|
What up, dude, what's up, how are ya man?
|
You've changed, bro. You've changed
|
I never knew you, but, um
|
My friend's old roommate's friend said he knew you in high school and you became a real asshole once all this "comedy" stuff started happening
|
What, what is it man? You think you're better than us?
|
You think you're better than us just cause you're tall?
|
Whoa, congrats man, you're tall!
|
Wow, it's incredible! What, you want a trophy for being tall?
|
You wanna...we should just give trophies to tall things
|
And every tree and building will have a trophy
|
That make sense?
|
Yo, why you acting all quiet and weird right now?
|
Yo I know why you are, it's cause you're an arrogant prick, that's why
|
An arrogant fuckin' prick
|
I once heard that you actually act quiet cause you're shy and introverted in real life
|
And that people shouldn't expect you to act the same way offstage as you do onstage [laughs]
|
Yeah...yeah, it makes no sense
|
Anyway, you wanna buy some weed?
|
|
[All Three]
|
|
Bo, oh my god!
|
Bo, oh my god!
|
Bo
|
Bo
|
Bo
|
Bo
|
Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo
|
Bo, oh my god!
|
Mister Burnham
|
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
Bo, oh my god!
|
Mister Burnham
|
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
Bo, oh my god!
|
Mister Burnham
|
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
Bo, oh my god!
|
Mister Burnham
|
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
Bo, oh my god!
|
Mister (Fag!)
|
Mister, Mister (Fag!)
|
Bo, oh my god!
|
Mister (Fag!)
|
Mister, Mister (Fag!)
|
Bo (Fag!), oh my god! (Fag!)
|
Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!)
|
Mister Burnham
|
Bo (Fag!), oh my god! (Fag)
|
Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!)
|
Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!)
|
Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!)
|
I am Satan, Lord of Darkness!
|
Bo (Fag!), oh my god! (Fag!)
|
Mister Burnham (Fag!)
|
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
Bo (Fag!), oh my God!
|
[crickets]
|
Fag!
|
Bo (Fag!), oh my god! (Fag!)
|
Mister Burnham (Fag!)
|
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
Bo (Fag!), oh my god! (Fag!)
|
Mister Burnham (Fag!)
|
Bo, Bo (Fag!)
|
Uh, uh!
|
Hey!
|
Uh, uh!
|
Hey!
|
...what the Hell?
|
Uh, uh!
|
Hey!
|
Uh, uh!
|
Hey!
|
You're not gonna hit the girl? That's sexist!
|
Fa-fa-f-f-f-f-fa-fag!
|
Mister, m-m-m-m-mister
|
Bo-Bo!
|
We think you've changed, bro
|
We know best
|
You suck!
|
We |