[Stage version:]
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[Opening Letter]
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[Secretary:]
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Mister Lebowitz's office
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He's busy
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Who shall I say?
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Yes, sir
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I'll be glad to
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I'll tell him
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Okay
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[Lawyer:]
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Take a letter to Mr. B. G. DeSylva
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My dear Mister DeSylva
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I've read the book of your show
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And as your legal advisor, I'm writing to let you know
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That you're skating on very thin ice
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And since you've asked my advice
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Let me warn you it can't be done
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I know it's all in fun
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But there is a state called Louisiana
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And anyone can tell
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That both your acts are based on facts
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And they're gonna be sore as hell
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You won't get away with it -- they'll sue
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You and Ryskind and Berlin, too
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Because
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There are laws
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Laws that specifically say
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You can't write a book or a play
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Based on characters living today
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And that's what you've done
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I know it's in fun
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But, for instance, the very first scene
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The character you call the Dean
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You've changed the name but just the same
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They're going to know who you mean
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And you won't get away with it, oh no
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The minute you open they'll close the show
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And they'll sue
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They'll sue
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You and Ryskind and Berlin, too
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And the cast will go to jail
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Of that I have no doubt
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But speaking as your attorney
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Let me say that there is a way out
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You can make the whole thing legal
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Without changing a line in your book
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It can still be Louisiana
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You can call a crook a crook
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But you must say it's based on fiction
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And everything will be fine
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Yours truly, Sam Lebowitz
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Of Rafferty, Driscoll and O'Brien
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[Opening Chorus]
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[Louisianans:]
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Before we start the show
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We'd like to have you know
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The characters portrayed
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In our musical charade
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Have not been based on persons living or dead
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They've all been made up out of the author's head
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Instead
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The things that we reveal
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Never happened, they're not real
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In spite of what you've heard or what you've read
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The politicians we investigate
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Could come from Maine or Kansas, or Montana
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So we laid our story in a mythical state
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A mythical state we call Louisiana
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Within our simple plot
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You'll notice quite a lot
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Of references to crooks
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Who have monkeyed with their books
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And with those gentlemen we're not too gentle
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If they seem like men you've read about
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It's purely accidental
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The law says shows like this one can get by
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With one restriction
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It must be fiction
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We've tried to stay within the law, that's why
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We laid the scenes
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In New Orleans
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A city we've invented so that there would be no fuss
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If there is such a place, it's certainly news to us
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Again, the same old word
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No matter what you've heard
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The villains in our show
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Are just characters, and so
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If an arrow seems to strike
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Someone who's investigated
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If he looks to you just like
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Someone to whom you're related
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Don't go out and sue
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We don't mean you
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It's fiction so don't be temperamental
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If your sons are millionaires
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Don't start trembling in your britches
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When a character declares
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That you're dirty sons of riches
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Don't go out and sue
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We don't mean you
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The likeness is purely accidental
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So, please bear this in mind
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Our show is of the mythical kind
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The book is mythical
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The score is mythical
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To make them mythical was our only chance
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The girls are mythical
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The boys are mythical
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And now we'll let our mythical show advance
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And go into our mythical dance
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[Film version:]
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[Opening Letter]
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[Lawyer:]
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Take a letter to Paramount Studios, Hollywood
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Gentlemen,
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I've read the book of your show
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And as your legal advisor, I'm writing to let you know
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That it really can't be done
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I know it's all in fun
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But there is a state called Louisiana
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And anyone can tell
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That they're gonna be sore as --
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Well, you won't get away with it -- they'll sue
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You and the writers and the actors, too
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Because
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There are laws
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Laws that specifically say
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You can't write a book or a play
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Based on characters living today
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Yes, the cast will go to jail
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Of that I have no doubt
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But speaking as your attorney
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Let me say that there is a way out
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You can make the whole thing legal
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Without changing a line in your book
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It can still |